he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
