I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
