Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
