no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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