that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
