Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
