Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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