i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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