I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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