Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
