I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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