I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
