I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
