mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
40s are totally the cure
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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