he shaved USA in his pubs
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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