i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
