To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
