Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
