nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
