it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
