Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
