I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
