there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize