It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I understand Curling. That high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we should paint friendship bongs
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