apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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