well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
