Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
