Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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