birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
