On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
