Ambien. No doubt about it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
