there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
