I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
