Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
