sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
