just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
