My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
