That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
