Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
