Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Randomize
