i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
