no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
