haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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