Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
