I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
