you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
