My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
