dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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