I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
