i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
