All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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