Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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