Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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