Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
