i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize