You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You took a bar mat shot.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
