don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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