you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
