Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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