My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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