I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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