Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
