I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
