Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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