she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
