Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
