Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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