So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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