Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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