why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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