fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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