stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
