Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
