i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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