If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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