If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
FUCK WHALES
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
