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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
