This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
