My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
