I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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