Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
