she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
