so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
