everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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